Fat and Stolen Photos Make Me Sad

This post was actually written on Thursday.  I am much better today mainly due to the fact that my friend had a new baby yesterday!  It was a great day and somehow new life puts things into perspective.  I debated whether or not to post this but it was how I was feeling…and still some how I am feeling now.  So, here goes…

Ya’ll…I am so super sad.  There are a few reasons but two lately made me super sad and I have almost felt paralyzed from it.  First, I sat down to edit the Ninja Video I posted yesterday.  Let me just tell you…

Cameras don’t lie and I look FAT!  I am not looking for sympathy here.  A fact is a fact.  My belly practically sat up on the counter.  That is not ok!  My weight is sitting still around 205 and that is not ok.  Summer was supposed to be the time for me to get back into the 100’s.  I haven’t made it yet but it is my own damn fault.  No one to blame but me.  And that makes me sad.

I did talk to my doctor about it last week and she is sending me to a nutritionist to get a Metabolic test done to see exactly how many calories I should be eating.  I am excited about that.  I never know if 1200 is too few or too many.  I guess this way there will be no guessing.

Oh, yes, the doctor.  Not much to report there except I was up in weight.  Shocker!  I explained to her that I was having trouble losing weight and we both agreed that the tremendous amount of stress in my life right now is probably a big culprit.

Speaking of stress…

Stolen Facebook Photo

This photo was sent to me by a reader on Facebook yesterday.  THANK YOU for sending it to me first and foremost.

THAT IS ME!  And that is NOT what my post was about.

Upon seeing this, I went through a gamete of emotions.  At first, I was shocked.  Who in the world would put that headline on my picture?  Then, I got angry and tried to figure out WHO was behind it.  Then, it became somewhat of a mystery because the page it is going to, Kelsey Byers Fitness, has no idea who did it.  She swears it wasn’t her.  Then, I got sad.  I got sad that headline was put on my picture.

You see…I was so happy.  I was marrying my best friend and I FELT beautiful.  I knew I had weight to lose but it didn’t stand in his way of marrying me or in my way of being happy.  So, why do I let it bother me?  Because someone is using a photo of ME to promote them and making up a lie about it.  THAT IS ME!!!!!  I know I don’t look like that now but it is still me…and it makes me sad.

Why do people in this world have to be so mean and cruel to benefit them?  Why do people say mean things about others at all?  Honestly, I can’t imagine growing up in this society with all this social media.  My high school life was difficult enough without social media.  I just can’t imagine.

So, those two things yesterday and continuing today made me very very sad.  I am going to have a moment and then I am going to reflect and figure out what I need to do to be happy again.  I need to pray, figure out what is best for me and then start living again.  Right now, I am not living.  I am busy worrying about the future, stressing over stolen photos, and muffin top and not TRULY living.  It’s time for me to get me back.  Just as soon as I figure out how.

Sad and Fat

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About Jennifer Swafford

Jennifer is an elementary school teacher who is trying to lose 100+ pounds. She has certainly learned how much It Sux To Be Fat and is here to motivate you to live a healthy lifestyle.

  • Julie

    I was so sorry to see your FB posts about this earlier this week. I also can’t imagine being a teenager now and dealing with social media. My kids are 12 & 10, and I have shielded them from social media to this point, but I know I can’t shield them forever. I pray that things will be looking up soon for you!

  • Diane

    I think the real “you” is pretty darn awesome!! So sad about that stupid post someone did. I hope something today sparks you to feel happy again. Please know that you are loved!

  • Deena Staples

    Jennifer, I truly enjoy your blog. In fact, it is the only one I read. I never comment but I feel it is necessary to comment on this one. As a person who has struggled (and also still hovering around 200 lbs myself), I have had to deal with similar emotions. You have to remember that YOU are NOT the number on the scale and it is not you. Your muffin top does NOT define who you are! You must measure who you are by the failures you have had in your life and how you have chosen to overcome them, those that love you for who you truly are, and at the end of the day are you a person you can be proud of. I can tell you just by reading your blog that you are a strong, wonderful and inspiring individual. As a teacher you have to be filled with a great deal of compassion. Your weight loss is your journey and even though you are stuck, look at how far you have come! You can do it!!!

  • Aimee Rodriguez Vollmer

    My heart aches with and for you reading this, sweet beautiful friend. It has been years since I have seen you face to face but I have NOT forgotten the kindness and genuine happiness you exuded and the friendship you so unselfishly gifted others. Through your blog I have been able to live vicariously through you and, let me tell you, it has been a gift.
    You see, sweet Jenn, you are what so many of us wish we could be. You are R.E.A.L. You show us the happiness through the tears and the sorrow behind the smile. You allow us into your world, complete with the ups and downs that so often accompany life in this crazy world. You have shared and shared and shared and, sadly, some have taken advantage of that. Please please PLEASE know that those of us that have been blessed to have you in our lives are just that: BLESSED. You have done nothing wrong and the piece of *&^%$ that so cruelly decided to use your photo of such a happy moment in your life will get his/her just rewards thanks to Karma. (Mark my words on that – have my sleuth-y teens working on this for you!)
    Funny thing is, that idiot didn’t realize that you were beautiful then and grow more and more beautiful each day. Your beauty was NEVER and will never be on the outside. That’s something those of us that love you know and cherish. Your beauty, the beauty we are all attracted to, has always been in your heart. That amazing caring heart. That heart that is so hurt and broken right now. Oh how my own heart hurts to know this!!
    Whatever you decide to do moving forward, remember always that you are NOT the number on the scale or the skin covering that beautiful heart and spirit. You are way way WAY more than that… and you are dearly loved.
    Sending hugs and love your way…

  • Momma D

    You poor baby! My heart is melting for you and I don’t even know you! Just know that you are loved and BEAUTIFUL! You are so down-to-earth and raw and I love it!

  • sarah

    Believe you me, you are most definitely not alone in your feelings. Reading this and the comments, makes me feel like we’re all doing a group hug :)
    I could use one now too. Yes, we all just keep pushing on with our struggles.

    And for my 2 cents – call an attorney, free consultation, cause this is some BS. At a minimum a cease and desist can be sent.
    Thanks for all your touching posts.

  • Mari

    Jennifer, I just want to echo everyone’s comments and also send you a huge hug! I adore your blog and love how real and transparent you are, even with your painful moments. I can only imagine how violated you must’ve felt by the theft of your image. Your readers love you and support you, and are here to lift you up! Thank you for being you!

  • http://brookenotonadiet.com/ Brooke: Not On A Diet

    *hugs* How awful that someone stole your picture like that! I’ve had mine stolen too to promote weight loss pills, but that’s just an annoyance. Yours is just downright wrong. People suck.

    You’re gorgeous, dear. Take care of you and do what’s going to make you feel your best! I hope that the nutritionist has answers for you and can’t wait to see what’s in store for you.

  • Ginny

    It’s me, Sarah DeArmond. You posted my success story a little while back. I’ve never commented until now and I feel like I need to. First off, *hugs*. Second, my heart breaks for you. I’ve been going to your blog for a long time now and I’ve always been rooting for you. I know how it feels to be in a rotten stage in your weight loss journey. By the grace of a God, you will get there! We’re all behind you every step of the way. Also, I’m so sorry about the picture. You don’t deserve that.

  • Emily Russell

    I know it can be cold comfort sometimes, but you still have to remind yourself that even at the weight you are now you are still doing so much better than you were doing before. Keep going Jennifer! You’re such an inspiration!

  • Pamela

    Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear this. People can be very mean and they steal photos on the internet and relabel them. Very sad – why do they do that? Hugs to you. I am a regular reader (I commented before and you commented back) and we are all supporting you. I am sad to hear you are having a stressful summer :( From one friend to another, I hope you can tackle some of the things that are stressing you out. Focus on the positive. Focus on doing good things to your body. Be kind to yourself – allow for self care every day. I hope this helps – I don’t want to add to your stress by giving you extra stuff to do! Great blog, keep up the good work – if you read the other comments, please know we are supporting you!

  • Elle

    Just happened upon your blog tonight by accident while looking for a list of WW power foods. Not familiar with your blog, and haven’t read the other posts so I don’t know how recent the picture is, but honestly – that wedding picture is gorgeous! You look beautiful!!!!

  • Wendy

    So sorry about this – you both look so happy in the wedding picture, the headline doesn’t make sense…… I really have enjoyed my new gym and getting a new mind set about my weight, I am going by how my clothes fit instead of the # on the scale now. I hope you enjoy the nutritionist appointment and really get a sense of what & how much you should be eating. At 1200 calories a day, I wasn’t eating enough for my body to lose lbs, so maybe you are in the same boat as I am!!! We are all rooting for you!! Hugs from TX!!

  • Jessica Hartman

    Jennifer, I’m so sorry. I will pray for you for peace!!!

  • http://irresistibleicing.com/ irresistibleicing

    I cannot believe someone would do something so mean and cruel. That’s awful and i’m sorry you are going through that. I hope that you can get to the bottom of it.

  • kelly

    Jennifer!!!!I KNOW you!
    i Stumbled upon your blog on accident looking at another weight loss/fitness blog and realized you looked familiar….
    I did color guard with you,and Heidi and Mandy….
    Remember,” dorky corky”?????
    You haven’t aged at ALL!!! No FAIR!!
    I turn 36 in 2 hrs.- ha!
    Anyways,I think I sent you my personal email…..
    So good to see you again!
    People are so damn mean!!!!!
    Talk soon!
    You look fab!
    Kelly (Pepe) :)

    • https://plus.google.com/102759056526029167079 Jennifer Swafford

      Too funny! I am so glad you stumbled upon my blog! It’s a small world!

  • Delitha

    I’m late to this discussion, but I have an idea to share. The next time you’re feeling sad and down about yourself, think about all the children’s lives you’ve touched with your super-positive attitude and infectious smile. Our children would be extremely blessed to find another teacher in middle and high school if they find a teacher who’s half as caring as you are. Know that you are loved and appreciated for who you are.

    • https://plus.google.com/102759056526029167079 Jennifer Swafford

      Your words are so sweet and touching! They truly mean more to me than you know! Give that sweet boy of yours a BIG hug from me!