I have been very wishy-washy lately.
Should I? Shouldn’t I? Should I? Shouldn’t I?
Well…yesterday afternoon I made the decision.
I’m going to run the half-marathon I signed up for on Saturday.
Oh…wait. You didn’t know I was considering NOT running it? Well, I was. I had so much self doubt in my head that I had pretty much talked myself out of running it. Period.
I had 10 miles on my half marathon training schedule. I didn’t want to do it but I got in my car and went to the park anyway. I had to give my training one last long run and see how it went before I made the final decision that I was NOT going to do it.
I got out there. The weather was absolutely beautiful. Perfect even. The temperature was cool and crisp but the sun was shiny and it was warm enough I could wear my normal running gear. The only thing wrong about this run was my attitude.
I had a bad one. Attitude that is.
I was the most miserable person out there running…I just know it. Here are my thoughts.
“Why am I out here? I can barely run three minutes before I have to walk. My time was not very good last week. If I am not running this race anyway, why am I wasting my time. Fine. I will do 6 miles. 6 miles and then I can stop. My legs hurt. My heartrate is too high.”
I told you I was miserable! Then, all of a sudden, I had a moment of clarity. It was one of the best self talk discussions I have had with myself in quite a while. I was like, “Self…you have a choice.” “You can continue to be a miserable person for the rest of this run or you can say to hell with it. I am actually going to enjoy this. Take time to walk. Take time to jog. Listen to the music. Enjoy the beautiful fall day. Who knows, you might actually enjoy yourself!”
And…that is exactly what I did. I stopped those negative thoughts that were nagging away in my head and I enjoyed my 10 miles. No, I did not run all 10 miles. I did intervals where I walked up the hills at the park and jogged the rest. I gave myself permission to NOT rock it out. I gave myself permission to ENJOY the activity. And…guess what happened when I allowed myself to enjoy it?
I ended up going 10 miles. I didn’t stop at 6. When I got to 6 I thought, only 4 more. You can do this. Then, when I got to 10, I had done better time-wise than the week before. I felt better than the 10 miles I did the week before and I had clarity in my mind.
I WILL do the half marathon.
I will do it alone.
I will enjoy the music and the weather.
I will give myself permission to go slowly and walk/jog if I need to.
I will give myself permission to NOT break my record of 2 hours and 30 minutes.
I will complete my second half marathon and I just might like it.
So there…I’m Gonna Do It!