I generally do all of my banking through the ATM and never have to see anyone face to face. On Thursday, I had to go to the bank and speak directly to a teller because I had to cash all of the checks for my weight loss competition at work. I pulled up to the window closest to the lady behind the glass and gave her my big stack of eleven checks to cash. In addition to the signed checks, I had to give her my driver’s license. Here is my photo:
Yes, it’s that bad!
A few minutes after she started processing the checks, she looks at me through the glass with her little microphone and says, “How much weight have you lost?” I laugh and say, “About 100 pounds!” She says, “Your photo doesn’t even look real!” “It looks like a fake picture!”
I reassure her that it is in fact me, as I’m cashing checks worth over $500. She says she can tell it’s me but the picture is amazing. She then starts to get really personal and asking all sorts of weight loss questions like, “How did you lose it?” “How long did it take?” I proceeded to tell her how I lost it and how long and she said, “Weight Watchers should be paying you to be their spokesperson!” and nice things like that. Then, she throws me off by asking a really simple question.
She asked me, “How did you get so big?” Ummmmm……
“I ate too much food!” “Yes, she said but WHY did you get so big?” Ummmmm……..
“Why?!?! I have no idea!”
I really didn’t have an answer for her. I am usually a blubbering fool when someone asks me something about my weight loss. This is the first time someone has asked me “WHY” I allowed myself to get so big and I honestly did not know.
I still don’t.
I think it was a gradual process that just kind of crept up on me. I know I was genuinely happy with most aspects of my life. Or at least I thought I was. I guess I didn’t really know how unhappy I was until I was out of that current state.
I did have a happy marriage. I was lucky enough to have a husband who loved me even at the size I was. I had a home, a job, students that thought I rocked. I was very happy. However, I was tired. I hated shopping. I hated the way I looked. I was not happy with ME.
But, still, WHY did I get so big?!? No idea.
I have a new goal to try and figure this out. Maybe I am not supposed to. Maybe it is just going to be one of life’s mysteries. Or, maybe it is something I have tried so hard to forget that I actually have forgotten.
I don’t know…but as soon as I do, I am going to let you know…and the teller at the bank.
Until then, I will continue to live in the present. Any thoughts or ideas?!?