How to Get Fat – Top Ten Tips

I am certainly an expert on this topic.  Considering I was fat from 1999-2009, ten years, I know all too well how to become morbidly obese.  But, I wanted to get the opinions of others so once again I turned to my Facebook friends and asked for their opinion.

How to Get Fat

Here are the top ten tips for how to get fat.

10.  Drink Lots of Soda and Pour the Condiments On – If you want to get fat, drink LOTS of regular soda and then eat LOTS of mayonnaise, butter, oil, ketchup, and cheese.  When I decided to lose weight, the soda part of this was not hard for me but the condiment aspect was more difficult.  I LOVE mayonnaise!  That was one of the hardest things to give up when I started this journey.  Now, I will just eat light mayo as a special treat.  I only eat low fat cheese (I haven’t gotten use to fat free cheese so I don’t really use it).  I limit the amount of ketchup (sugar) and don’t really use butter in things.

9.  Make Sure You Skip Breakfast – If you want to get fat, NEVER eat breakfast!  Did you know that sumo wrestlers only eat two meals a day?  Someone on Facebook shared that with me.  That will tell you something!  I did a post a while back on Dr. Oz’s advice to always eat breakfast as well as other important things to do first thing in the morning.  I know you might not be hungry but eat a little something to jump start your metabolism and get your body working for you.

8.  Have Children – This was a big one for people on Facebook.  All the mom’s were agreeing with one another!  I don’t have personal experience with this but here are my observations.  When you are pregnant, make sure you eat ALOT of food (You are eating for two).  Make sure you don’t exercise either (Pregnant women don’t exercise, do they?!? [enter sarcasm, here]).  Make sure you gain lots of weight during your pregnancy (You can use that excuse after the baby is born for at leas the next ten years!)  When they are old enough to eat, make sure you eat all of the food that they leave on their plate (You wouldn’t want it to go to waste and there are starving children in Africa!).  Lastly, make sure you always put their needs before your own (skip to number one).

7.  Always tell yourself, “I’m too busy or too tired to eat right or exercise!” – Make sure you use any excuse you can to be lazy or eat out.  You ARE too busy to make food at home.  Stop at the drive thru.  It is so much easier!  Exercise???  Who has time for that.  That takes a whole thirty minutes out of your day that you don’t have.  You have WAY too many television shows to catch up on.  Right?!?  I can sum this one up with one little saying.  Would you rather take the time to exercise and eat healthy now or die early?  Personally, I want to live as long as I can to be here with my family.  I will MAKE the time.  None of us have extra time…you have to make it.  Make it a priority and you will FIND the time!

6.  Whatever you do, don’t plan ahead! – Make sure you are always rushing around and don’t ever plan.  Don’t make your lunch the night before.   Don’t plan out your dinners.  Don’t pre-plan any meals to grocery shop.  Don’t plan when you are going to exercise.  Just “go with the flow” and see what happens.  This one is a big one for me.  If I don’t plan, I don’t succeed with my weight loss.  “A failure to plan is planning to fail!”

5.  Just keep telling yourself you will start tomorrow – Have you said that to yourself?  I sure have.  Guess what?!?  Tomorrow never comes!  If you keep saying that, you will NEVER start.  Start now, start today, start this very minute!  YOU DESERVE IT!!

4.  Eat whatever you want, whenever you want – Don’t worry about calories, fat or fiber.  Just eat, eat, eat.  Don’t worry about if it is late at night or even the middle of the night.  Just eat.  Make sure you eat out at restaurants.  You don’t have time to eat at home (see number 7) so stop at fast food or eat at sit down restaurants.  Also, order whatever you want from the menu.  You know the “bad stuff” always tastes better anyway.  Okay…reality is…you have to either count Weight Watchers Points Plus or calories or whatever plan you choose to follow.  One of my biggest pitfalls is eating out.  I can’t do it and lose weight.  Well, I can but I have to really make up for it through exercise and eating the rest of the week.  For me, I can’t eat out and I have to count my Weight Watchers Points Plus in order to be successful.

3.  Keep telling yourself those bad things about yourself – “You will always be fat!”  “You have not been successful before so why would you be successful now?”  “You are lazy and can’t walk to the refrigerator without gasping, why would you try to walk up the street?”  “You might have been successful before but look at you now.  You gained it all back!”  “You are a failure!”  STOP IT!!!!!!!  Stop being your own worst enemy.  You are worth it.  You can be successful.  You don’t have to live this way!

2.  Instead of feeling your feelings, just eat…and eat…and eat… – When you are stressed, eat.  When you are angry, eat.  When you are sad, eat.  When you are happy, eat.  When you are bored, eat.  Don’t worry about what is truly going on, just eat.  You won’t feel the pain for the moment.  The food will make you feel better for the moment so just eat!  Now, key words…for the moment.  Don’t cover up the pain with food.  I know it comforts you for the moment but ten minutes later you still have the feelings and now you have guilt to go with it because you ate all of that!  LET yourself feel.  Journal your feelings, call someone on the phone, go see a therapist.  Do something to help you get to the bottom of the feelings you are feeling.  Eating to cover up feelings is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound.  It might work for a minute or two but ten minutes later it didn’t do a darn thing!

1.  Make sure you put everyone else’s needs about your own – I decided to make this one number one because it is so true.  You are too busy taking care of everyone else that you don’t take care of yourself.  You are neglecting yourself and in the end, who will be here to take care of them if you die at an early age due to bad health?  You have to take time for you.  Be Selfish!  Stop putting others before yourself.  Make time for YOU.  YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!

There it is.  My list of tips on how to get fat!  Do you see yourself in any of these?  I sure did!  We have to be conscious of these in order to change them.  No one really WANTS to get fat.  But, people do want to know how to get fat so we can come against it and beat it!

Please add more ways to get fat!  The more we know, the more knowledge we have and knowledge is power!

 

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  • Pam Holmes

    LOVED this list. I was guilty of all of the above, in 30, yes 30, years of being morbidly obese. I especially identified with #10, I drank Pepsi constantly, always had one, always!, and #4, I ate as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted and I didn’t care HOW it was prepared. I haven’t done that for 2 years. I was thinking about how I’ve been basically maintaining the last 5 months (almost–on 9/15) and have never once binged. I’ve also lost about 15 pounds in that time, so maybe that’s why, but it’s SLOW going on the loss now. That’s okay, since my goal was 160 and now I’m sitting at 145, which is at long last a healthy BMI! I’m always afraid if I binge once, it will start me up again, so I just try to keep my eating under restraint at all times. Being prepared is a really good one too–I always scope out the internet before going to a restaurant, if possible, and decided what I’m going to order. Keeps you from those spur of the moment BAD decisions. I’ve lost 183 pounds in the last two years, so I know where of you speak!

    • http://www.itsuxtobefat.com Jennifer

      WoW, Pam! 183 pounds…amazing! Keep up the good work! I know it is slow going but it so worth it in the end!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G3DO6DYVK5NERNTJWW5TVC55CI Beth

    “No one really WANTS to get fat.” Common mistake so many anti-fat bloggers make. They assume that everyone joined the thinspo movement, that everyone believes you have to be thin to be happy, healthy, and good-looking. They also assume that it’s not possible to gain weight and be healthy, and that the Body Mass Index (BMI) is still a good way to tell if you’re overweight – disregarding the fact that it was debunked by the CDC not so long ago. What about people who really DO WANT to get fat, in a healthy way? It IS possible, because it’s not being fat that makes you unhealthy, it’s what you ate to make you that fat (and a little pinch of genetics for some folks) which is unhealthy. People like me want to know how to put on healthy weight. We have our reasons, each and every one of us; but we all want to know legitimate ways to put on weight, and every writer and blogger out there like you who has written a snarky, sarcastic post just like this, has made our goals a farce to be laughed at by all of your readers. People like you may joke about being a skinny woman trapped in a fat woman’s body, but do you know what it’s like, being a fat woman, trapped in a skinny woman’s body, kept there by unbearable social pressure? You can claim whatever you like about health risks and attractiveness, but at the end of the day it all comes down to the perception of social elitism that skinny people enjoy. You’re probably going to delete this comment, but that’s fine, it’s not like I expect you to keep around something that challenges you to accept that, while it may work for you, your viewpoint is not absolute. After all, some of your readers may see it and decide that they really don’t have to lose that 15, 25, or even 50 pounds after all, because it is possible for them to feel beautiful and healthy just the way they are.

    • http://www.itsuxtobefat.com Jennifer

      Beth–I respect your opinion and appreciate you voicing your concerns. This post is certainly NOT a way to get fat in a healthy way. True..no one WANTS to get fat. These top ten are ways that creep up on people not even consciously. I do believe, however, as a former morbidly obese person, thinner is healthier. It is in my case. This post was written to show bad habits that people have that will eventually make them fat. I also offer alternatives to these habits. This post was in no way written to appear snarky or sarcastic. If you took it that way, I apologize. I agree that social pressure is everywhere. Unfortunately for today’s girls, it is even harder to grow up “normal.” What is normal? I disagree with you that is comes down to social elitism of skinny people. I have lost over 100 pounds for HEALTH and my own personal HAPPINESS. NOT so others would view me as “better!” I have lived in a fat person’s body. It was not the best place for me. I have never judged anyone else’s journey with weight. I believe that there are heavier people out there that are truly happy. I was truly happy when I was heavier. I was NOT healthy. I was tired and sluggish and NOT living MY best life. I was also not giving my family the best of me. Those are the reasons I like being healthier. NOT because I am higher on the social scale in this world. My blog is here to show people MY journey. Not to judge theirs. If someone is happy, truly happy being 50 pounds overweight…fabulous! There are millions of people out there that are NOT happy with being overweight. I am here, sharing my journey so others can be inspired or learn something new. I’m not here to judge. I respect your opinion and I will not delete your post. As long as comments are written with respect and are appropriate, I value everyone’s opinion. Thank you for commenting and taking the time to share your opinion.

  • Katherine

    I completely disagree with the fact that you can be fat and healthy. Maybe a little overweight and healthy but not fat. If you are fat you might be happy but sooner or later you are destined to have medical issues. Period. You are at  a higher risk for cancer, diabetes, etc, etc, many issues that people die from everyday. That is a medical fact. This website is OBVIOUSLY not for people trying to gain weight. I think that the 900+ people that have liked this blog would agree with that. As for snarky comments, yours are as snarky as they get. I think Jennifer has been a great inspiration to EVERYONE who knows her. She has done a great job getting healthy, which is her main goal which she tells everyone in her posts. Jennifer, don’t let people like this discourage you from what you know in your heart is right. God is doing a great work through you and the enemy sends people like this to try and throw you off. You are an awesome person inside and out and would never put people down via a blog. People like this just need to let things slide off their back and go on to what they are actually looking for. Keep up the good work you are doing a fabulous job!! 

    • http://www.itsuxtobefat.com Jennifer

      Thanks, Katherine! You are inspiring yourself!

  • yaser Al ghadani

    199 pound
    I am so so fat from tip number 10