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I am certainly an expert on this topic. Considering I was fat from 1999-2009, ten years, I know all too well how to become morbidly obese. But, I wanted to get the opinions of others so once again I turned to my Facebook friends and asked for their opinion. Here are the top ten tips for how to get fat.
10. Drink Lots of Soda and Pour the Condiments On – If you want to get fat, drink LOTS of regular soda and then eat LOTS of mayonnaise, butter, oil, ketchup, and cheese. When I decided to lose weight, the soda part of this was not hard for me but the condiment aspect was more difficult. I LOVE mayonnaise! That was one of the hardest things to give up when I started this journey. Now, I will just eat light mayo as a special treat. I only eat low fat cheese (I haven’t gotten use to fat free cheese so I don’t really use it). I limit the amount of ketchup (sugar) and don’t really use butter in things.
9. Make Sure You Skip Breakfast – If you want to get fat, NEVER eat breakfast! Did you know that sumo wrestlers only eat two meals a day? Someone on Facebook shared that with me. That will tell you something! I did a post a while back on Dr. Oz’s advice to always eat breakfast as well as other important things to do first thing in the morning. I know you might not be hungry but eat a little something to jump start your metabolism and get your body working for you.
8. Have Children – This was a big one for people on Facebook. All the mom’s were agreeing with one another! I don’t have personal experience with this but here are my observations. When you are pregnant, make sure you eat ALOT of food (You are eating for two). Make sure you don’t exercise either (Pregnant women don’t exercise, do they?!? [enter sarcasm, here]). Make sure you gain lots of weight during your pregnancy (You can use that excuse after the baby is born for at leas the next ten years!) When they are old enough to eat, make sure you eat all of the food that they leave on their plate (You wouldn’t want it to go to waste and there are starving children in Africa!). Lastly, make sure you always put their needs before your own (skip to number one).
7. Always tell yourself, “I’m too busy or too tired to eat right or exercise!” – Make sure you use any excuse you can to be lazy or eat out. You ARE too busy to make food at home. Stop at the drive thru. It is so much easier! Exercise??? Who has time for that. That takes a whole thirty minutes out of your day that you don’t have. You have WAY too many television shows to catch up on. Right?!? I can sum this one up with one little saying. Would you rather take the time to exercise and eat healthy now or die early? Personally, I want to live as long as I can to be here with my family. I will MAKE the time. None of us have extra time…you have to make it. Make it a priority and you will FIND the time!
6. Whatever you do, don’t plan ahead! – Make sure you are always rushing around and don’t ever plan. Don’t make your lunch the night before. Don’t plan out your dinners. Don’t pre-plan any meals to grocery shop. Don’t plan when you are going to exercise. Just “go with the flow” and see what happens. This one is a big one for me. If I don’t plan, I don’t succeed with my weight loss. “A failure to plan is planning to fail!”
5. Just keep telling yourself you will start tomorrow – Have you said that to yourself? I sure have. Guess what?!? Tomorrow never comes! If you keep saying that, you will NEVER start. Start now, start today, start this very minute! YOU DESERVE IT!!
4. Eat whatever you want, whenever you want – Don’t worry about calories, fat or fiber. Just eat, eat, eat. Don’t worry about if it is late at night or even the middle of the night. Just eat. Make sure you eat out at restaurants. You don’t have time to eat at home (see number 7) so stop at fast food or eat at sit down restaurants. Also, order whatever you want from the menu. You know the “bad stuff” always tastes better anyway. Okay…reality is…you have to either count Weight Watchers Points Plus or calories or whatever plan you choose to follow. One of my biggest pitfalls is eating out. I can’t do it and lose weight. Well, I can but I have to really make up for it through exercise and eating the rest of the week. For me, I can’t eat out and I have to count my Weight Watchers Points Plus in order to be successful.
3. Keep telling yourself those bad things about yourself – “You will always be fat!” “You have not been successful before so why would you be successful now?” “You are lazy and can’t walk to the refrigerator without gasping, why would you try to walk up the street?” “You might have been successful before but look at you now. You gained it all back!” “You are a failure!” STOP IT!!!!!!! Stop being your own worst enemy. You are worth it. You can be successful. You don’t have to live this way!
2. Instead of feeling your feelings, just eat…and eat…and eat… – When you are stressed, eat. When you are angry, eat. When you are sad, eat. When you are happy, eat. When you are bored, eat. Don’t worry about what is truly going on, just eat. You won’t feel the pain for the moment. The food will make you feel better for the moment so just eat! Now, key words…for the moment. Don’t cover up the pain with food. I know it comforts you for the moment but ten minutes later you still have the feelings and now you have guilt to go with it because you ate all of that! LET yourself feel. Journal your feelings, call someone on the phone, go see a therapist. Do something to help you get to the bottom of the feelings you are feeling. Eating to cover up feelings is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. It might work for a minute or two but ten minutes later it didn’t do a darn thing!
1. Make sure you put everyone else’s needs about your own – I decided to make this one number one because it is so true. You are too busy taking care of everyone else that you don’t take care of yourself. You are neglecting yourself and in the end, who will be here to take care of them if you die at an early age due to bad health? You have to take time for you. Be Selfish! Stop putting others before yourself. Make time for YOU. YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!
There it is. My list of tips on how to get fat! Do you see yourself in any of these? I sure did! We have to be conscious of these in order to change them. No one really WANTS to get fat. But, people do want to know how to get fat so we can come against it and beat it!
Please add more ways to get fat! The more we know, the more knowledge we have and knowledge is power!
About Jennifer Swafford
My name is Jennifer, I’m 33 and I currently live in a suburb outside of Atlanta. I live with my husband, Jason and Shi-tzu, Maggie. I enjoy spending time with my family and friends.
My full time job is teaching elementary school. My part time job is private tutoring after school for grades K-6. I have been on my weight loss journey my entire life but just began to take it seriously two years ago when I decided it was time to start a family. I didn’t want to be one of those people who others look and and say, “Is she pregnant or just really fat?” At the rate I was going, that question would certainly be asked. So, two years ago I joined Weight Watchers. Now, closing in on losing 100 pounds, my life is healthier and I am happier. Now…bring on the baby!
My blog is here for you to be inspired, learn something new, and hear all about all new products I try. Join me on this weight loss journey as I go through ups and downs, good and bad, and continue to take it one day at a time!
